Thanks to the dealership that understands that my wife and I are conditioned to salivate at the sound of the bells and whistles found in most over the top special editions of American cars these days, we have a new car, a Dodge Charger.
Actually, it was a very rational decision on our part. It was a choice that was even more rational than the Subaru Forester that the Charger replaces in the driveway – and if you’ve seen a Subaru you know that rational decisions are the main reasons these cars get driven off of the lots.
By the way, if you sense sarcasm here it’s because I’ve been reading too many Dave Barry columns lately. But to get back on track, people who buy Subarus are overheard saying things like, “Wow! That rubber floor mat is going to be great when the dog gets sick!” or “NPR is going to sound great on that stereo!”
These are the things that make Subaru owners smile as they blast NPR (by blast I mean play cautiously at a volume level that has been well-researched and can be correlated to an optimal grin level while not hindering good family bonding time en route to the campground/and or the kayaking drop-off point).
To any skeptics who doubt that I know of what I speak, see previous columns on camping, family or dogs. (I have yet to write a column on kayaking.)
But a Charger is a different kind of rational decision. It’s the kind of rational decision that comes to you while howling with your foot on top of a fully depressed gas pedal.
So how was this a more rational decision than a Forester? It was cheaper than the dog, kayak and camper that are required accessories to make driving a Subaru fun.
Do I feel a twinge of guilt about trading in my partial emissions four-banger for a Hemi? Nah, Dodge has it covered. From the heated and cooled cup holders to the dazzling hi-res display that illustrates how my wheels are moving as I roll down the road, there are enough amenities to assuage Texas-sized guilt.
NPR sounds great through my 575-watt Beats by Dre speakers.
“Peeper populations continue to diminish as roadways prevent the frogs from migration routes,” NPR blares.
“What did they say?” asks my wife who I’m assuming would also rather hear the Charger growl down the road than the radio, or our child trying to ask questions about his place in the world.
Actually, it was a very rational decision on our part. It was a choice that was even more rational than the Subaru Forester that the Charger replaces in the driveway – and if you’ve seen a Subaru you know that rational decisions are the main reasons these cars get driven off of the lots.
By the way, if you sense sarcasm here it’s because I’ve been reading too many Dave Barry columns lately. But to get back on track, people who buy Subarus are overheard saying things like, “Wow! That rubber floor mat is going to be great when the dog gets sick!” or “NPR is going to sound great on that stereo!”
These are the things that make Subaru owners smile as they blast NPR (by blast I mean play cautiously at a volume level that has been well-researched and can be correlated to an optimal grin level while not hindering good family bonding time en route to the campground/and or the kayaking drop-off point).
To any skeptics who doubt that I know of what I speak, see previous columns on camping, family or dogs. (I have yet to write a column on kayaking.)
But a Charger is a different kind of rational decision. It’s the kind of rational decision that comes to you while howling with your foot on top of a fully depressed gas pedal.
So how was this a more rational decision than a Forester? It was cheaper than the dog, kayak and camper that are required accessories to make driving a Subaru fun.
Do I feel a twinge of guilt about trading in my partial emissions four-banger for a Hemi? Nah, Dodge has it covered. From the heated and cooled cup holders to the dazzling hi-res display that illustrates how my wheels are moving as I roll down the road, there are enough amenities to assuage Texas-sized guilt.
NPR sounds great through my 575-watt Beats by Dre speakers.
“Peeper populations continue to diminish as roadways prevent the frogs from migration routes,” NPR blares.
“What did they say?” asks my wife who I’m assuming would also rather hear the Charger growl down the road than the radio, or our child trying to ask questions about his place in the world.
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